“Remember, good luck with your Japanese nightclub,” Conan says as Noctis Lucis Caelum’s father wishes him luck on his adventure.
Soon, Conan and Wood are spending their time pushing a convertible through the desert before arriving at a shop, only to find that they have absolutely no money.
“We’re trapped in a Beckett play,” Conan says, in a comment that could apply equally to the long wait for a new Chrono Trigger sequel. “There’s nothing that’s going to happen. We’re waiting for things that can’t happen.”
Once Noctis and his friends finally get their car fixed, they embark on a group of Chocobos, the flightless birds seen in most of the series’ entries, to meet with a group of seismologists investigating local tremors. Conan believes they’re Kevin Spacey and Angela Merkel, which makes as much sense as anything else in Final Fantasy XV.
Soon, an enormous boss rises from the ground and Wood dispatches him in record time. But the two soon learn a dark secret from “Clueless Gamer” sidekick Aaron Bleyaert: the boss isn’t dead, and it will take 72 real-time hours to kill him for good.
“I don’t know what we achieved. I don’t know what we were trying to achieve. I have no sense of satisfaction,” Conan says.
The game isn’t exactly Conan’s cup of tea, but he didn’t particularly care for Super Smash Bros. on Wii U, either. Make of that what you will.
Final Fantasy XV is out on November 29 for Xbox One and PlayStation 4.
