12 Strangest and Most Useless iPhone Cases

Ear phone case — Image used with permission by copyright holder

Cases are fine. We like cases. A case that adds protection and color to your iPhone is great. And what the hell, bedazzle it if you really feel inclined. But, people, there’s a limit. Below are 12 of the strangest (and a few perverse) iPhone cases we could find. The moment your phone starts looking like one of these, it’s time to start therapy. You have a problem.

For the wannabe bathroom voyeur

When you want to make sure people know just how much you appreciate a nekkid lady, what better way than to do it with a rubber case showing off a woman taking a bath? (We think/hope those are supposed to be rose petals floating around in there.) It’s the perfect opportunity and definitely doesn’t make you seem like a creep. Except when you use the lady’s head for its intended function: as a kickstand for your phone. (What were you thinking??)

The over-the-shoulder iPhone holder

Apparently, there’s a huge demand for boob-related iPhone cases … we just can’t quite figure who it is that’s actually demanding them. This one, built into a bra — in case you couldn’t tell — is going all out and taking your phone to the real thing. While it will definitely keep your phone protected from would-be thieves, taking calls is going to be insanely awkward.

Can you ear me now?

Are you talking on the phone with a friend? Or does your giant ear just give you Superman-esque hearing so you can you listen in on whispered conversations of those nearby? We’re keeping our fingers crossed that it comes with some oversized, novelty Q-Tips. (If this isn’t crazy enough for you, up the geek ante and get the Spock case.)

If you don’t think Siri feels real enough…

The idea behind this design was to breathe a little extra personality into Siri, the iPhone’s handy digital assistant. In reality, it’s really creepy and instead more reminds us of that bad ass dude from Terminator … the one not played by Arnold. Thankfully, most people only use the feature to ask inappropriate questions, because you won’t be able to do much of anything else; the entire screen is blocked when the case is on your phone.

‘Cause getting arrested is always fun

Attention all rednec … err, gun enthusiasts! Have we ever found the perfect iPhone case for you! We honestly can’t imagine anyone ever whipping something like this out in public and not causing some sort of mass panic. It’s made to inspire street brawls and 911 calls. Unless you’re in Texas; then you’d fit right in.

Show your phone some love

You know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you walk down the street, hand-in-hand with someone special? Now you can have that feeling every day, with your phone. Or, we hope that’s why your buying this case. We can’t think of any better reason to own a creepy hand-shaped case. The worst part is how small the hand is. It looks like a pre-pubescent 12-year-old girl wants to stop you from making a phone call.

Honk if you like boobies

That hot tub phone was bad enough. This just blatantly screams, “Hey yo, dude bro, guess what? I love boobs!” Just uh, we’d have to caution you against using this case, um, anywhere. Can you imagine taking a call or answering a text with this thing in the middle of a meeting or at your mom’s house. (Then again, if you’re the type to rock this, then you probably won’t care much what anyone thinks.)

Show love for everyone’s favorite crustacean

You might want to keep this one in your bag the next time you’re on a Maine vacation, lest it get doused with hot, melted butter and served on a roll. Lobster roll disasters aside, we can’t even imagine that it would even be remotely comfortable to take a call using a lobster phone, unless you kept it on speaker phone. So maybe just hang the empty case in your beach house.

You can pick your phone…

…and now, thanks to this case, you can also pick its nose. Not only can you, but you are, in fact, encouraged to do so! While some of the other cases would be downright inappropriate to use in public, this one could be worth pulling out for a few laughs. (But we’d never want it as a permanent adornment. We are professionals after all.)

The ultimate gamer case

A once-upon-a-time creation of an Etsy user, this case, which is unfortunately no longer available, is the ultimate homage for any avid Playstation fan. It’s strange, but the not-so-inner nerd inside us all can’t help but love it. Of all the cases on this list, we’d be most willing to rock this one. Gamers: stand loud and stand proud. The PSX changed gaming forever.

For a whale of a tale

Can’t get enough of Moby Dick? Be sure to make sure everyone knows about your favorite literary obsession. (Or maybe they’ll think you really thought Free Willy was a stand-up film.) The large, curved tale has two functions: it makes your phone an obnoxiously bulky mess and it also allows your phone to be hung from things. ‘Cause that is entirely essential.

Keepin’ it gangsta’

Nothing says you’re badass — well, except for the above pistol case — than strapping on some brass (or silver, in this case) knuckles every single time you take a phone call. Ain’t nobody gonna be telling you to keep it down when your public conversation gets too loud or inappropriate.

12 iPhone cases that should have never been made