With that in mind, we combed through Netflix’s extensive library to find the absolute worst movies currently available through the service. It was no easy task narrowing this infamous list down to just 15 titles, given the thousands of options available on big red. Nonetheless, what follows are our favorite streaming calamities. Grab some popcorn and get ready to cringe, here’s our guide to the best of the worst.
Attack of the 50 Foot Cheerleader
When critics use words like “enormous” and “huge” to describe movies, they usually don’t mean it literally unless they’re talking about films like this one. The film, a sequel to Attack of the 50 Foot Woman and Attack of the 60 Foot Centerfolds, once again finds a unique way to magnify women to Godzilla-like proportions. Perhaps its lone claim to fame is the fact it features one of the best monster fights you’ll ever see on film, or at least the best brawl between two five-story cheerleaders in an arena to date. Regardless, this is intentionally campy and poorly made, which always makes for some hearty laughs.
Toxic Avenger Part II
Fans of the original Toxic Avenger will no doubt dig this cult comedy about a disfigured man who looks to save the world from an evil corporation known as Apocalypse Inc. After saving his hometown in the original movie, our hero now has a regular job and a serious girflriend. To spice things up, Toxie decides to move to Tokyo to fight crime and to rekindle a relationship with his father. Out of nowhere, though, the evil Apocalypse Inc. moves in to his old neighborhood and begins wreaking havoc. This obviously brings the Avenger back to his hometown, where he bashes skulls in all sorts of ingenious ways.
Gigli
One of the worst skidmarks in the history of movies, Gigli finds Ben Affleck playing a low-ranking mobster with a sensitive side. Affleck stars alongside then-fiance J-Lo, whose partnership in the film earned recognition from many Worst of lists including snatching the #7 spot on Ebert’s worst movies of the 21st century. In the movie, Affleck and Lopez team up to kidnap the mentally challenged younger brother of a powerful lawyer. Obviously the two end up falling madly in love with each other, despite Lopez’s character classifying herself as a “lesbian assassin.” Not even supporting performances from Al Pacino and Christopher Walken saved this film from winning an astounding seven Razzie Awards.
Iron Sky
Iron Sky arguably possesses one of the most outrageous storylines for any B movie we’ve ever seen. Essentially, a still-functioning Nazi community carves out a colony for itself on the Dark Side of the Moon and plans to take over Earth with its technologically-advanced, Swastika space station. To its credit, the movie does feature bits of impressive CGI, though the plots leaves much to be desired. The ridiculous story unfolds as Moon Nazis invade New York after an American astronaut happens upon their secret moon location. Looking to build upon the outlandish premise of the first film, a sequel to this gem is due out in 2016.
The Core
The core of the Earth mysteriously stops spinning when something goes horribly wrong with a top-secret, military earthquake project; gasp! Naturally, it’s up to a team of scientists to save the planet by simply jumpstarting Earth’s molten core. What ensues is a slew of furrowed brows, quippy remarks, and long panning shots of battleships. Finally, somebody decides to dig a giant hole and drop Hillary Swank and Aaron Eckhart into it before microwaves “literally cook our planet.” Despite its impressive lineup of actors, terrible writing cripples The Core down to its… uhh… core?
Left Behind
On paper, Left Behind features all the components of an over-the-top, brazen action film. For example, a plane is about to crash over NYC and the amazing Nick Cage won’t shut up about how he needs some reverse thrust. However, Left Behind, which is based on a popular 16-book series, also features a very heavy-handed Christian theme — after all, Kirk Cameron produced an even worse Left Behind trilogy in the early 2000s. Basically, a heap of people suddenly disappear and Cage somehow discovers that God likely sent these people to Heaven, following Revelations. Once he finally receives the reverse thrust he got so worked up about, he races to save his wandering daughter from the remaining batch of heathens in New York. This is the entire story, seriously.
Cool World
Not even a young Brad Pitt can save this film from finding a spot on our roundup, thanks to one of the most strangely confusing plots we’ve ever encountered. A cartoonist (Gabriel Byrne) magically winds up in some parallel cartoon universe called Cool World — a pseudo real life take on a cartoon he invented during his 10-year stint behind bars. Naturally, after arriving at said parallel universe, Byrne meets a detective (Brad Pitt) who advises him to avoid sleeping with any of the various doodles he comes across given “it’s the oldest law in Cool World.” The whole thing just feels like one bad trip, and in the end, it’s just one bad movie.
The Freedom of Silence
Picture this: it’s the year 2030 and the American government decides to put the kibosh on modern day Christianity as you know it. Crazy right? Now it’s up to religious freedom fighter Zach Thompson — who’s got spunk and a noticeable amount of chin-line acne — to restore America to its former glory by emailing a digital copy of the Bible to everyone in the world. The Freedom of Silence’s incredibly poor attempt at dialogue is like reading through those young-adult Christian books everyone received from a minister back in high school. To top things off, the characters don’t hesitate one bit to quote the Constitution and the Bible in the same sentence, rendering the entire thing a major bummer.
Love, Wedding, Marriage
This Dermot Mulroney (or is it Dylan McDermott?) directed comedy finds Mandy Moore in perhaps the lowest point of her spiral out of relevance. Moore plays a marriage counselor who’s happily enjoying the perks of her new marriage to a handsome, if not moronic, man named Charlie. While honeymooning, the couple’s vacation halts suddenly when Moore’s seemingly happy parents say they plan on divorcing. Throwing the usually calm counselor off her rocker, the parents move in with Moore, she neglects her husband, makes outrageous accusations, loses her husband, etc. etc. Mulroney should’ve just stuck to his tried-and-true outlaw movie roles and out of the director’s chair.
White Chicks
Keenan Ivory Wayans is no doubt an established comedian. His resume features writing credits on comedy specials featuring Eddie Murphy and Richard Pryor, he was one of the driving forces behind the hilarity of In Living Color, and he also brought the Scary Movie franchise to life — for better or worse. However, his resume can’t account for the utter atrociousness of White Chicks, a movie he wrote and directed. The plot, if you could believe it, involves two black cops who go undercover as wealthy white girls in an attempt to solve a multi-layer abduction case. Perhaps the most comical part of it all is the mere fact the white girl facemasks look a little like a cross between The King of Pop and a Halloween mask.
Alien Origin
In an attempt to latch onto the “found footage” revolution, Alien Origin presents viewers with some shocking evidence aliens currently live in the jungles of Belize. Unfortunately, the most shocking part of the whole thing is just how poorly produced the entire mockumentary is. In a nutshell, a crew that consists of a special forces unit and an adventure show personality set out to install cameras in the jungles of Belize to monitor hostile situations along its borders. Instead, they find creepy evidence of an alien spacecraft, as well as a skull that’s only 70 percent human. As a blatant rip-off of Ridley Scott’s Prometheus, this poor attempt at found-footage horror doesn’t even belong in the same breath as its source material. But hey, you’re bored and it’s on Netflix, so why not take a look?
The Hillz
Tagged as a vital “coming-of-age” film, The Hillz — which is already off to a bad start because of its title — follows Steve, a college baseball player who returns to his hometown for the summer. Despite having a promising future in baseball and loads of disposable money, Steve decides to join his neighborhood’s local gang alongside his best friend. The (somehow) famous Paris Hilton also stars in this drag of a film, poorly playing a character that likely isn’t far from her real-life persona. To give you an idea of the production value, a boom mic actually shows up in a few of the shots throughout the movie. It’s that bad.
Bad Johnson
Director Huck Botko tackles the serious subject of what a man would do if his penis suddenly disappeared from his body and became an actual human. As outrageous a plot as this is, Bad Johnson does feature a few timely one liners and an occasionally funny — yet incredibly crude — joke or two. It doesn’t make up for the fact that this film suffers from a serious case of directile dysfunction, and some of the worst acting you’ll find anywhere. The premise has even inspired irate message boards, accusing the production team of plagiarizing a stage play featuring a similar story. Who wouldn’t enjoy being a fly on the wall during those court proceedings?
Blood Glacier
Don’t let the fact critics contend Blood Glacier is a worthwhile horror flick cloud your judgement on this horrendous piece of cinema; it’s nothing more than a thinly veiled attempt at recreating The Thing. After scientists discover a strange liquid leaking out of glaciers in the Austrian Alps, they soon find out it’s actually a form of alien organism. Several “tense” situations unfold in which people scream while getting covered in blood, mysterious creatures beat on the door of the scientist’s enclosure, and a suspecting dog goes searching alone in the dark. Light on scares, heavy on terrible acting, Blood Glacier is far from Netflix’s crown jewel.
Surf Nazis Must Die
Troma’s cult revenge flick takes place after a massive earthquake hits the California coast, leaving cities in a state of disarray and chaos. Naturally, this leads to a group of neo-Nazi surfers — led by a man named Adolf, no less — jumping at the opportunity to gain control of the beaches. How might they ever meet their match, you ask? After the “Fuhrer of the new beach” guns down a peaceful jogger, a gun-toting grandmother breaks out of her retirement home to exact her revenge. Stock full of hand guns and grenades, Granny makes it her priority to wipe these Surf Nazis off the face of the planet. Roger Ebert supposedly walked out of this film after 30 minutes, if that tells you anything.
